Grief Doesn’t Follow Rules. Neither Should You.
There is no correct way to grieve.
There isn’t a timeline.
There isn’t a point when you’re supposed to stop missing someone.
And there certainly isn’t a magical moment when enough time has passed and you’re expected to be “over it.”
Sometimes grief is loud.
Sometimes it looks like crying, anger, or feeling like you can’t possibly imagine your life without what you’ve lost.
But sometimes grief is incredibly quiet.
You go to work.
You take care of your family.
You laugh.
You make plans.
You keep living your life while carrying something inside you that no one else realizes is still incredibly heavy.
And eventually you start wondering:
Why does this still hurt?
Grief Is About More Than Death
We usually associate grief with losing someone we love.
And that grief deserves space.
But death isn’t the only thing we grieve.
A relationship that ended.
A marriage.
A friendship.
A pregnancy.
Your health.
Your career.
A parent who is still alive but could never be the parent you needed.
A relationship with your child that isn’t what you hoped it would be.
The childhood you should have had.
The person you were before something happened.
The future you thought you were going to have.
Sometimes the hardest grief to carry is the grief no one else recognizes as grief.
If it feels like a loss to you, it matters.
You Don’t Have to “Move On.”
I don’t believe moving on is the goal.
You don’t have to forget someone to heal.
You don’t have to stop loving them.
You don’t have to stop saying their name.
You don’t have to erase the relationship, the memories, or the life you imagined.
Grief changes us.
The work isn’t about getting back to exactly who you were before your loss.
Sometimes that person doesn’t exist anymore.
The work is learning who you are now.
Learning how to carry what you’ve lost without letting the weight of it become everything you are.
Grief and Trauma can Live in the Same Place
I often say:
All trauma has grief in it.
Because trauma almost always takes something with it.
Safety.
Trust.
Identity.
Relationships.
A sense of control.
A version of yourself.
A future you thought you were going to have.
That’s why grief and trauma don’t always fit neatly into separate boxes.
Neither does therapy.
We can follow the thread wherever it goes.
What Grief Therapy With Me Looks Like
I’m not going to give you a timeline for your grief.
I’m not going to tell you what stage you’re supposed to be in.
And I’m definitely not going to tell you it’s time to move on.
Instead, we’ll figure out what your grief looks like.
We may talk.
We may write.
We may work through memories.
We may write letters to someone you’ve lost, or to the version of yourself who existed before the loss.
We may spend time understanding the guilt, anger, relief, regret, love, resentment, or confusion that can exist right alongside grief.
And sometimes we’ll laugh.
Because loving someone doesn’t mean every memory has to hurt.
There is room here for all of it.
You Are Still Allowed to Live.
One of the hardest parts of grief is realizing that life keeps happening.
You laugh again. Something good happens. You make plans. You fall in love.
And then guilt shows up.
How can I be happy when they’re not here?
What does moving forward say about how much I loved them?
Healing doesn’t mean the loss mattered less.
You’re allowed to remember.
You’re allowed to miss them.
And you’re still allowed to build a life you want to be here for.
Your Grief Matters Because You Matter.
Whether your loss happened yesterday or twenty years ago…
Whether everyone understands it or no one does…
Whether you’ve talked about it a thousand times or have never said the words out loud…
You don’t have to prove that your grief deserves space.
It already does.
And when you’re ready to stop carrying it completely alone,
I’ll meet you there.
Helping You Learn You Matter.
That first conversation is a free 15-minute phone call.
Call (518) 608-2912 or email mjohnson@mejcounseling.org.
Schedule Your Consultation
Ready When You Are
You don't have to have it all figured out before you reach out. You don't need to know exactly what to say, what kind of therapy you need, or even where to begin.
That's what the first conversation is for.
If something you've read here feels familiar, trust that. Reach out, ask your questions, and see if MEJ feels like the right fit for you.
You've spent enough time carrying everything on your own.
You matter. Your healing matters. And when you're ready, I'm here.
That first conversation is a free 15-minute phone call.
Call (518) 608-2912 or email mjohnson@mejcounseling.org.